Tag Archives: teenagers

Introductions & Meltdowns~How Did I Get Here?!

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How did I get here?!
Somebody please explain?!
I turned around and [[[[[[{{{POOF}}}]]]]]] this broad was:

~ 41, where DA fuq did you go 30’s?! Why do I have lines in my lips? Why do my knees crack on stairs? What is this dang kangaroo pouch?!! And where the hell did my metabolism go?! Wheeeeerrreeeeee?!

~Raising a 16 year old TEENAGER(!)  <–think of that word in a blood curdling screechy horror movie ax murderer scream– he will always be referred in this way (or just plain THE BOY) If you're going thru or have gone through surviving or barely surviving a TEENAGER(!) then you will fully understand why. God bless all your SOULS!!!!

~Single- Welcome to creepy town, where my dating options seem to be 21 year olds who want an "older" woman. Wait?! What?! When in the hell did I become the older woman?!!!? (ewwww) &/or 75 year olds looking to be a sugga daddy (ewwwwx2)-hmm that's what the internet tells me anyway. That and men with Mike Tyson face tattoos, or married secretly…or on Americas Most Wanted (True story) Smdh. I hate you internet. Ready to buy more cats and call it a day!

~A full head of gray! (And I mean FULL gray so for all of you crying about eight or nine hairs your tweezing every couple weeks you can shove it where the sun don't shine, and I hope it burns off your anus! Bitter much no. The patience for hearing overactive ridiculous grips of small fixations of things irrelevant to even see, HELL no!  ***& dammit for the record I'm rockin my gray like nobodies business*** Yes I'm embracing "older woman" me.

~Being a Female driver working ungodly hours a week with all men (over 20 years) in a well known parcel delivery service, I think has ruined me. Someone for the love of baby de Jesus pass me some ESTROGEN! I'm turning into a damn Neanderthal!  The testosterone is rubbing off, I think I'm growing a beard and mustache! Hmmmm OK, I tend to go off the gauntlet a lil. I'm half Italian so I guess I can't totally blame it on the boys. Even still, how did I get here, it was just supposed to be an extra job for Christmas, I never escaped… its like Folsom.

~ Medical hell,  because life isn't hectic enough and the Universe likes to add a lil spice to the mix. Let's just say at this rate I'm going to hell in a hand basket. Three surgeries in three years+ ridiculous amounts of procedures and Dr appts for pesky cells and growths that are not my friend. Things can always be worse and I'm ever so grateful, but its my blog and I can bitch about the irony or absurdity of it all I want to, dammit. (or I'll take my blog and go home***foot stomp) Be forewarned, shoved into partial medical menopause, and having half my ducts taken out my tah-tahs has made me at times one pissy hot flash having, abnormally lactating, I'll-cut-chu-if-you-even-look-at-me-funny- Amazonian Kill Bill kinda woman. Proceed at your own risk.

~Trying to figure out Plan B! Something's got to give. I still haven't figured what I want to be when I grow up. I could be on the cusp of genius or I could be on the brink of a mental breakdown… Stay tuned for breaking bit by bit live news coverage.

…Well now, are you satisfied? Be assured there are a thousand topics and there will be a thousand rants. I am all over the place. If you are OCD and looking for focus, if you are a grammar Nazi or an intricate complex serious author type- welcome to your worst nightmare. My oh my, what you have gotten yourself into?

***note to self***Curiosity killed the cat.

Xxoo Sillyalena

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